We are so lucky to Have Joe the Plumber, I Can't Even Tell You

Sometimes I have nightmares.

I dreamed last night that I lived in a world without Joe the Plumber. In my dream, Samuel "Joe the Plumber" Wurzelbacher never asked Obama obnoxious, loaded questions about his taxation plans. He never parlayed his ninety seconds of media attention into a gig with the intellectually bankrupt (and now genuinely bankrupt) Pajamas Media. He never went to the Middle East and pretended to report on the almighty can of whoop-ass that Israel was cranking open all over Gaza. In my dream I remember a child, hollow-eyed and weeping, crying out: Who will make us laugh now, Joe? I think that child was me.

But I woke up, poured myself some coffee and discovered that Joe the Plumber, the guy who is neither Joe nor a plumber, is still with us, and still showing by example how to be the worst kind of paleo-conservative douchebag. Joe's most recent gig is spokesperson for the pro-business organization Americans for Prosperity, whose main business seems to be news releasing and union busting. In the video above, Joe is doing his level best to avoid all questions about the Employee Free Choice Act, a U.S. measure that would allow unions to form through both a secret ballot or by card-check. There may be valid arguments against the Act, but whatever those arguments are, Joe does not know them.

Joe, don't ever change. Don't ever become a licensed plumber or let your hair grow in. We need you as you are: bald, phony and dumb.