I don't watch TV. My television is for Sega tapes ONLY.

When I visit my parents, the TV is on constantly, and I'm reminded why I don't watch TV in the first place.

Now, I know I'm not the first person to realize that advertisements are annoying. And I'm definitely not the first one to realize that SaskTel advertisements are annoying.

... But, holy crap, SaskTel commercials are annoying.

Like, astonishingly annoying. Stupefyingly annoying. Wonder-if-I'm-in-some-kind-of-horrible-purgatory annoying. The Little Red Riding Hood Campaign is worse than anything they've ever done.

So I took the mature route. Here is a mean drawing of Sasktel's confusing mascot, Little Red Riding Hood.

And here's a list of what's wrong with this campaign. Feel free to add your own in the comments:

- Fairy tales have very little to do with Saskatchewan.
- Fairy tales have nothing to do with telephones.
- Why does Little Red have a goldfish?
- Why is the Goldfish named Gainer? (OK, dumb question. But why didn't they just give her a pet rodent?)
- Why do you hear an "boi-oi-oi-oi-oing" sound effect when Gainer sees Marilyn Minnow on TV? I saw a video about fisheries once, and that's not how they do it.
- Marilyn Minnow is a terrible pun.
- Little Red has tiny corn teeth.
- Fuck Jack and his beanstalks.
- Shrek movies are mostly a waste of time.
- How is it that people like these ads so much that they keep making them?
- How is it that people keep going to see Shrek movies?
- When did the world go so horribly, horribly wrong?

Forget concerns over insane government, poor city planning, and short-sighted environmental policies ... this is the worst part about living in Saskatchewan. At least Bell Canada's dumb CG Beavers are half-voiced by Norm MacDonald.

(Oh, and this isn't a private vs. crown thing ... I would hate these ads no matter what the circumstances.)

No More Midnights

After this weekend, Rainbow Cinemas at the Golden Mile will no longer have midnight screenings of movies.

A midnight showing at the Rainbow was one of the few unique theatre experiences in Regina. Personally, it's hard to imagine seeing pure schlock any other way.

Already, the decor of the Rainbow is a wonder - it's bright neon and carpet floors were dated when the place opened. The "Coming Soon" and "Feature Presentation" clips are a mish-mash from different years and theatres.

But the midnight showing was a special treat. The crowds were worth coming out for on their own. Trying to figure out their motivations for coming to Meet Dave or The Gameplan at this time was always as interesting as the film itself.

Of course, they could have been asking the same thing about me. The fact is, going to a midnight showing made the movie more of an event, in large part due to the mystique around it. A lot of times, you would enter when the Broken Rack next door was full up and leave when it was empty or emptying out. A midnight movie could be the cap to an evening or the main event. It had a gravitas that could make even the hilariously bad infinitely enjoyable.

Here, I saw some of my favorite movies and some favorite movies to mock. And I couldn't have asked for a better venue to discover them in. Here's hoping the midnight showing returns to Regina one day.

I'm not sure how this weekend will turn out personally, as I've got a birthday party one night and a wedding the next. I'm hoping to make it to at least one last midnight screening. Most likely, I'll go to All About Steve, because there are few films more suiting. It holds a special place as the worst Sandra Bullock movie and probably one of the worst movies ever, experience.

The official National Hockey League suspension flow chart

for the regular season and ...

for the playoffs.

Hat tip to Down Goes Brown

For the first time ever, a cartoon character mocks a cartoon character

Cartman channels his inner Glenn Beck on South Park (Crooks and Liars)

It's Not Just Harvard

Think Harvard Broadcasting folks are slack? Behold our office. Anything mainstream media can do, indy media can do better. And that includes being lazy, lazy bums.

Harvard Broadcasting, you are sooo busted...

Rod Pedersen, CKRM's sports director, posts some photos of the Harvard Broadcasting crew over at his blog. He shot the photos as people were in the offices and studios at, ahem, work.

You have to see it to believe it.

The news director is staring at a blank monitor. Chris (one half of Wolf 104.9's morning show) is playing solitaire while he's on the air. Michael Ball (the other half) is updating his Facebook page.

They're supposed to be at work.

I got nothin'. Nothin'.

(all photos courtesy Pedersenmedia)

Six In The Morning

1 CHILD SOLDIERS ARE VICTIMS, NOT VILLAINS The Supreme Court of Canada will rule on the Omar Khadr situation tomorrow. A lower court previously ordered our government to bring the Guantanamo prisoner home, but our Conservative government--which doesn't want him back in Canada because, presumably, they're a pack of nasty dicks with a compassion deficit and screwy values--appealed. And here we are. (Globe And Mail)

2 SWINE FLU FEARS UNFOUNDED? Canadians aren't buying the hype. (CBC)

3 UNITED NATIONS INVESTIGATOR SLAMS U.S. FOR IGNORING HOMELESSNESS How can a country so full of wealth treat its poor like total crap, asks a UN special rappatour. (Guardian)

4 DON'T LET THE DOOR SLAM YOUR FAT, CRAZY ASS ON THE WAY OUT "Birther" bully Lou Dobbs leaves CNN. Is he headed for Fox? I betcha. (New York Times)

5 WHY GO THROUGH WHEN YOU CAN GO AROUND? Regina might get a highway bypass. (Leader-Post)

6 NEW STYLEY SPORTS HIJAB A fashion designer invents it, controversy follows but hey, sounds good, practical, inclusive and generally all warm, fuzzy and tolerant to me. (Toronto Star)

Pick of the Day: Dirt

The human body is a wonderous thing. It's also gross and disgusting. At least, that's the message that marketers in the West in particular try to pound into our heads in an effort to make us feel self-conscious about various bodily functions that might well be less-than-edifying, but that are at the very core of our humanity. The desire of certain unnamed individuals to shed their corporeal selves and be uploaded to the Matrix notwithstanding.

Just think of all the products out there that we can avail ourselves of to avoid offending not only others, but ourselves. Deodorants. Mouthwash. Anti-bacterial soaps. Perfumes. Colognes. Air-fresheners. Depilatory creams. The list is endless. Basic hygiene is an important component of good health, of course. But in modern society, it has arguably been taken to an extreme. Through multi-million dollar marketing campaigns corporations prey on our insecurities and make us ashamed to be human.

That's one of the themes that Vancouver filmmaker Meghna Haldar explores in her provocative documentary Dirt that's being screened tonight at the University of Regina (Campion College Auditorium, 7 p.m.) Of east Indian descent, Haldar also examines the link between dirt/dirtiness and racial/class prejudice where members of dominant society dismiss those lower down on the socio-economic ladder as being unclean.

Overall, Haldar's film, despite its simple name, encompasses a pretty fascinating topic. To conclude, here's a semi-dirty Mr. Clean TV ad (YouTube)