Six in the Morning

Ha! You're expecting six fraudulent and funny news items for April Fool's Day, no doubt. Joke's on you. These are all real. They just sound made up.

1. MULRONEY QUITS CONSERVATIVE PARTY: Piqued over the public inquiry into his financial dealings, the man attached to the most famous chin in the country demanded he be removed from all party lists. (Globe and Mail)

2. PERVY CARTOONIST ILLUSTRATED BIBLE: Robert Crumb is set to publish his own version Genesis and I can't wait! (Guardian)

3. TODAY'S LUXURY SUBURBS=TOMORROW'S SLUMS: Think spending a half a million to live on the city's bucolic fringe is a good investment? Think again. Our beige and vinyl-sided suburban dream is quickly evolving into the slummy nightmare of the future. Says who? Some left wing hippy rag, maybe? No sir. The Wall Street Frakking Journal, that's who. (WSJ)

4. SUN-TIMES KILLED BY A CANADIAN: Thanks in part to its looting by Conrad "The Man in Black and White and Black and White" Black, the storied print home of the best movie critic on the planet, Roger Ebert, has filed for bankruptcy. (Chicago Tribune)

5. BLOB CREATURE ATTACKS TEXAS: No, seriously. A 40-foot wide amoeba colony is on the loose in America's biggest state. (New York Times)

6. NO, I REPEAT, NO VAMPIRES AT BOSTON PREP SCHOOL: Thus states a notice from Boston Latin School headmaster Lynne Mooney Teta reassuring parents that their children are NOT in imminent danger from supernatural bloodsuckers. (boston.com)