Six In The Morning

1 LETTERMAN PWNS BLACKMAILING DOUCHEBAG The talk show host reminds a blackmailer that while sex outside of marriage might be jerky (or it might not, depends on what people agree to), extortion is an actual crime. (Guardian)

2 A LONG, HARD LOOK AT DICK So, a federal judge in the United States has ordered the FBI to open up its classified Dick Cheney interview notes. The FBI questioned the, let's just say evil and disgraced, former U.S. vice-president in 2003 during their investigation of the Valerie Plame affair--specifically, to learn if Cheney ordered his aide Scooter Libby to blow CIA agent Plame's cover as political retribution against her husband, who had criticized the administration. (Toronto Star)

3 TEXANS: NOT ALL JACKASSES A Texas judge ignores a district attorney's pleas and rules a gay couple may be granted a divorce even though gay marriage is illegal in the state. Why? Because, she says, the state's ban on gay marriage violates the U.S. constitution. Eat that, lone-star state bigots! (the Dallas Morning News)

4 AMERICA: WAY DIVIDED ON LEGAL ABORTION My god, if we could build a time machine for the nearly 50 per cent of the American population that can't cope with the modern era. They'd be so much happier in biblical times, marrying their sisters and wiping their butts with lizards--and I'd be so much happier with them out of my century. Once again: If you're opposed to abortion, DON'T HAVE ONE. But don't work against the legal rights of people living in 2009. (New York Times)

5 SASKATCHEWAN POUNCES ON KILLER'S BOOK PROFITS Read all about it. Or don't. (Leader-Post)

6 GOVERNMENT SURVIVES LIBERAL NON-CONFIDENCE VOTE Yawn. (The Globe And Mail.)