Dipshits Of The Day: The Peons At An Unspecified Regina Multiplex

I just called an unnamed Regina first-run movie theatre to do a fact check. I wanted to know what cinema, specifically, Alvin And The Chipmunks was playing in, for a dumb joke in our movie listings.

So I get someone on the phone and do my professional "I'm calling from prairie dog magazine to do a fact check for something we're running in an upcoming issue. Can you tell me what cinema, specifically, Alvin and the Chipmunks is playing in?"

First peon goes off to check. Then I get a second peon. I ask again. "What do you need this information for?" she asks, sounding pleasant. I explain: it's a fact check for a film listing in prairie dog. We run movie blurbs with dumb jokes every issue, I explain. I need to know what theatre this movie is in to make one of the jokes funnier.

"I'm sorry," the helpful-sounding but not helpful-acting movie minion says, "we can't give out that information unless you buy a ticket."

"That's completely nuts, but thanks," I say, not meaning the "thanks" part.

What is this, homeland security? Are these peons afraid I'm some kind of terrorist and it's not safe to give me information that I could get just by going there? They don't have call display telling them I'm calling from a legitimate (if disreputable) local publication?

What are they afraid we're going to do to their stupid movie that scored a bile-raising 24% on Rotten Tomatoes, anyway? Make fun of it?

Peons. Geez.