Six In The Morning

Special post-Family Day edition!

1 COUNTDOWN TO BARRACK U.S. President Obama will be in Ottawa Thursday--but how will this populist, eco-saavy urban Democrat get along with our glorious leader, an anti-environment, anti-labour, anti-culture, made-in-Alberta corporate stooge? (Toronto Star)

2 APESHIT A pet chimpanzee goes berserk, mangles an elderly woman and corners cops, who quite reasonably shoot its vicious, face-eating, monky-ass dead. (New York Times)

3 MANITOBA MENACE The U.S. deploys unammed surveillance drones to monitor the Canadian border, detering both al Quada and over-enthusiastic duty-free booze buyers. (Winnipeg Free Press)

4 NOT IN MY BACKYARD (AND/OR PRISON SYSTEM) Sneaky state politicians attempt to disrupt Obama's orders to shut down U.S. torture prison Gitmo. (The Guardian)

5 SCIENCE JES' AIN'T IMPORTINT While much of the world re-invests in intellectual capital one frustrated, underfunded Canadian researcher who just wants to help the children says he's getting better offers from Singapore. (Globe And Mail)

6 WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE WAL-MART The recession-resistent retailer posts a quarterly profit that exceeds expectations. (New York Times)