Travel Advisory

As a favour to anyone who may be traveling in the New York area by air in the near future I'm posting this warning that Secretary Michael Chertoff [pictured] of U.S. Department of Homeland Security issued today.

Orange Alert: Recent information has reached this office that an insidious group of terrorists with roots in Canada have begun operating in the New York area. With ruthless efficiency, our sources inform us, they are targeting domestic flights taking off from La Guardia airport on suicide missions that pose tremendous risk to Americans. To combat this threat, our office will be pressing Congress to introduce heightened security measures at all border crossings with Canada, including the possible creation of a series of camoflaged outposts manned by drunken louts equipped with shot-guns. In the meantime, anyone with information on this terrorist cell, which is believed to be headed by an individual with the code name Branta Canadensis , is urged to contact Det. Andy Sipowicz of the New York Police Department immediately. God Bless America.